Sunday, October 17, 2010

We had on dinner at Plaza Singapura's Tomato with Sheryl and JJ on the 16th October!
Their price is reasonable and steak is yummy!
Highly recommended!

There he goes again, this time to Australia;Queensland.
A 3 weeks trip, be returning on the 8th November 3am!
We woke up this morning 7am and made our way to the airport.
My feet seems to have rooted and grounded, refusing to leave a inch away from him.
The parting scene is always miserable.
Well well, he'll be back soon (:


HOW DID I FOUND OUT ABT MY PREGNANCY

I did not realise that I missed my period for 2months til my body became feeble and I lost my appetite.
Melvin was complaining that I am such a sleephead that I could even fall asleep on his bike!
I thought my health was deteriorating and went to see sinsehs.
Mical was named after the word miracle because the sinsehs tried poking my tummy with eletric needles and treated me like a piece a mince pork on the bed while they crack my bones like as if I dont have any. I even brewed and drank the awful medicine for a week, hoping it would 'heal' me.
We are SAFE couple that is why I've never thought myself of getting pregnant.
The only time that we did not take precaution was during my period on our holiday trip at KL.
I sweared that was the only time!
Melvin used to be a biology student in his secondary school life and he claimed that menstruation will only occur when the female eggs died, so there is no way getting pregnant!
Even the doctor said it is so!
Looks like biology failed because that one and only time came Mical.
I still remembered we were catching a movie at Angmokio hub, while waiting for our show to start, I randomly bought a pregnancy kit because watsons is having sale -.-
I thought it was my first time using and I might have misused the pregnancy kit when it shows double red lines. Getting paranoid, we went to a private clinic at hougang and get it tested again.
Pregnancy checkup was real expensive at private clinic, it cost us 105SGD with an answer " Yes, its positive. You're pregnant!"

I was quite firmed with my decision that I want an abortion and even scheduled it on the week after.
I didnt want my whole life to be tumbled down 'just because I'm pregnant' I thought. There are too much that I've to sacrifice bearing this child.
Melvin agreed too, we said we were just too young for it.
On the same week, I was asked to make my way down to the actual clinic where abortion will be held for another checkup.
I went alone as Melvin was still in camp.
This time round I undergo ultrasound and it was the first time I met Mical.
His heart was beating on the screen.
Small, and alive.
While waiting for the payment, I peeped through the doorslip and saw the abortion threater.
It's a heartfelt thing, I dont know why my tears flow and it just wouldnt stop.
Something pulled me back and I started convincing myself to keep this baby. But I couldnt convince Melvin.

For days, I kept crying knowing I will be losing him soon.
I have no one to speak to and I didnt dare to speak about it.
Abortion date drew nearer and I couldnt hold it anymore.
I called my godbrother who just got married too and he passed his phone to Evirna, his wife.
Evirna told me things that I haven realised or should I say I didnt want to realise.
I fear that I couldnt convince Melvin and I have to face the world solely by my myself.
I am afraid to be a single mum.
I worried that my family couldnt accept me.
I am ashame of myself to have brought such a disgrace.
There are countless reason about myself of why I want an abortion, but none seems valid.

The situation was messy and my mind was so stirred up.
I dont know how am I going to break this news to my parents or how am I going to raise this baby up but everytime when I told myself not to gave the baby up, it felt so right.
In the end, I came up with a decision that even Melvin doesnt want this baby, I will live it up.
I made a phone call to Melvin around 3am and I told him " It either me and baby, or none"
I wish he could accept us but didnt expect him to do me any favour or must he marry me because it was partly his responsibility.
If Melvin were to deny his part, I wouldnt do the same and followed his say.
There are things you can run away from and no one will know.
But eventually when you realised by trying so hard to hide facts out of your own guilt, you are making yourself suffer.
Its a irreversible change, and I wouldnt want to suffer for the rest of my life fighting with conscience.
What works the best for others might not be meant for you.
When you can, it doesnt means you should.

School reopened the next day morning.
I followed the daily routine and took the same bus to school.
That day was absolutely cloudy for me.
Moodless and exhuasted, holding myself from puking due to first pregnancy trimester.
Bus was packed and crowded, I couldnt get a chance to peep at my phone til I alighted.
My phone rang, it was Melvin.
I answered relunctantly but I could hardly hear a thing because the bus interchange was too noisy, furthermore I couldnt bring myself to discuss anything with him and I hanged up the call.

And I saw
"60+ New messages"
"40+ Miss calls"
I started reading the first message and I burst into tears.
"I want our baby and I want to marry you... "
How sweet! I saw rainbows! My day was brightening instantly and it definitely made my first smile since I knew about pregnancy.
We could run away with all sorts of excuses, but we knew none were what we wanted.

We started arranging and planning for marriage.
It wasnt smooth and we met objections along the way, and I am glad we still make it through.
Now that I looked back, I am thankful to Evirna counselled me and I didnt make a choice where I know I'll definitely regret.
In fact, I am blessed to have found someone who is still willingly to love me and our baby so much, knowing there is so much to sacrifice.